Success in A Woman's World

In ancient civilizations, the Venus of Willendorf's voluptuous curves defined womanhood.

This sculpture of a mother comforting her young son sits outside of the female clinic I sought help from. The female doctor who performed my hysterectomy share a clinic and strongly advocated to create a center where women could give birth along with more specialized facilities for women.

This is a beautiful Sunday, and I am grateful to be writing. I did not get the chance to write yesterday. In fact, I wrote yesterday morning and completed a couple assignments for the place I volunteer at. On Friday night, I completed a personal task for this place. As a reward to myself, decided to take some time to look at clothes in a large department store in my town. Since the weather has been cold and dreary, I did really have a chance to get outside. Having a sore throat further prevented my from going out. On Friday afternoon, my husband and I went out together for about an hour. 

As I was getting ready yesterday morning, my son began barking angrily at me. My son is usually quiet and not very expressive. I heard his verbal expressions. Was my son ever mad at me! Luigi did not want me to leave him. Now that I have had time to think, maybe I should have stayed home with him. His Daddy would still be home. Sometimes I get the feeling Luigi is afraid of us abandoning him. Like human children, Luigi is more comfortable when my husband and I are at home with him in the evenings.

Luigi and I love to hug and play.

Before I went out, Luigi sat on top of my snuggie. We had a little Mother-son talk at this time. I expressed my understanding of his anger and held him tight in my arms. His Father would be home while I was outside. Every mother needs time alone during the day. A mother needs time spent outside in order for her to return home happy. I believe Luigi was able to understand this. I promised my son I would return home to him. He looked up with those sweet puppy dog eyes. My heart melted. This promise was one I never wanted to break.

My son’s warnings to me came back later in the morning. I am beginning to wonder if my son has some extraordinary power that tried to prevent me from the decision I made. I decided to use a gift certificate to buy clothes at a local store. I went inside the store and spent a great amount of time looking around. If my husband had gone with me, he would have become frustrated. I am not a quick shopper when it comes to clothes. In fact, critics could accurately accuse me of being “picky.” If the shoe fits, wear it proudly, right? Well, in this case, I do. I have no shame in taking the much needed time to make certain clothes will look good the first time round. So, I spent about two hours looking around the store.

For one, I had stayed up until midnight doing a data entry project. I believe in doing everything right the first time. My husband takes his sleeping medicine at 7:30 p.m. each night, and so do I. Friday night was the perfect time for me to complete typing. I am not a woman who believes in doing projects only from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Secondary homework from school and college involved several lengthy hours outside of the classroom for success to happen. I want this place in my community to be as successful as possible. The director has ties to my local college. In fact, he used to teach there. The director knows my relatives personally. We both strongly believe in the Protestant religion. The director grew up close to my husband and took a couple classes from the high school he attended.

This provides me with a safe comfort zone. The director understands my situation with the cold weather. I am able to work on projects at home. The director trusts me to not disclose personal information and knows I will finish assignments in a timely manner. Plus, I enjoy being given assignments to complete. This makes me feel like I have more of a purpose in life. I am provided with hope as a woman with a physical disability.

My time spent at the department store did not go over too smoothly. No employee came up to me to ask if I needed help reaching or finding clothes. Other customers were  For years, I have been a faithful customer of this store. I am not a financially wealthy woman who is able to buy clothes every month, but when I do save up, I like to buy something here and there. This store was also an important part of my maternal grandmother’s history. When she would buy clothes, this was her faithful store. Back then, this department sold only classy clothes for men and women.

In modern times, I am often times unable to feel comfortable in this store. For example, close to summer months, tiny jean shorts are lined up on racks for sale. There are revealing shirts displayed that I never imagined possible. Undergarments are displayed publicly for every person to see, even small impressible male children. Nothing about fashion is private anymore.

I remember picking out clothes to order in the privacy of my own home. There would be a seasonal catalog with an order form to mail off. The order would take a couple weeks to be processed and then arrive. There was something about the sanctity of this form of shopping that seems pure and wholesome. This is missing from our modern world. The old form of shopping made sense. As home shoppers, we did not have to physically feel humiliated to be treated inferior or see clothes we did not want to. There was no discomfort about being a woman in yesterday’s world.

In our modern world, I feel a sense of discomfort when I go clothes shopping. I have never been a big fan of clothes shopping. I did not “bloom” in this area later on in life. The petals of clothes are to seek out the professional look. This means picking out  professional clothes. I like to go into a store and try a new look. I have never bought a pair of rugged-looking jeans that include rips and holes. In our world, jeans with rips and holes are included with the pricing. In the good old 1980s, teenagers did not purchase jeans with this perk. Teenagers were resourceful and used knifes and scissors to make alterations themselves.

I found a pair of hot pink jeans I really liked. The more I tried to find shirts that would match, the less appealing the color began to look. I began to feel overwhelmed and frustrated with all of clothes to choose from. I wanted to look and also not make the wrong decision. I wound up buying a pair of red jeans. I had never ventured out of my comfort zone of blue or faded jeans. This was the same as taking baby steps for a baby. Plus, my size over the years really did not compliment the clothes styes offered to the public. I wanted to leave. The female employees would look at me as if to ask When is she going to leave? I began to feel like there was a set time limit for a customer. 

Another area I found disappointing in the department store was the low standards in the style of dress code for employees. When I go into a department store searching for clothes, I would like to see employees dressed up. The employees should represent the company they serve well. This means not confusing employee for customers, which I did yesterday. Employees wear clothes they would in the comfort of their home to work. Granted, a lot of employees are young and don’t really feel the need to dress up.

This photo of me was taken on September 13, 2010, right after my hysterectomy.

When a person dresses up in a professional business at a job or company, there will be more business sales and deals. When I dressed up in a business suit one day, something inside changed the way Charlotte Perkins Gillman’s main character did when she stepped into the life of a man in “If I Were A Man.” I wore the business suit out to eat at noon one day after I had my hair dyed bright red. I saw professional men wearing business suits, and they waved at me. This was big in my life.

This photo of me was taken in November of 2010.

After coming from a hospital stay and a hysterectomy, there were days when I did not feel like a woman. On this day, I stepped into the role I had always imagined for myself. Another experience changed my perspective on womanhood. One morning I was waiting at the oval in Norman for a bus to take me to the Diagnostic Lab to get a weekly INR check. As I waited, I saw a young female college student walk across the campus wearing a business suit. To me, this young lady spoke success in the way she carried herself.

This photo of me was taken around January 23, 2010, after I developed blood clots from third generation birth control.

Watching this woman walking across campus wearing a business suit made me want to do better in my own life. This was a time when I did not know if weekly INR checks would be a lifetime event to prevent further blood clots. I realized that morning and through writing everything down that I did not have to settle. I did not have to plan my own funeral. The goal of graduating from college became the next step in the process. 

This is a childhood photo of me learning how to type on a typewriter. This set the stage for writing. I was given a strong voice early on in life. Learning how to type as a child has led me to live out my dreams of writing as an adult.

This is the cover for my Associates degree.

As of July 31, 2012, I am a graduate of Rose State College with my Associates degree in Liberal Studies!!

I have this tassel is hooked safely on my wheelchair as a symbol of overcoming all obstacles.

I do not believe I coveted anybody. Seeing this young female college student walking across the University of Oklahoma campus in a business suit provided me with the importance of dressing up. She inspired me to move on with my life and not be stuck on the negative side of blood clots. When I was battling with blood clots in the hospital, I wore a gown. The hospital gowns were taken off long before I put on my college graduation robe.

Seven weeks ago I tried a weight loss pill called Phentermine. This morning I write about the success from it. This is not a miracle cure to losing weight but it does provide me with steps. I have learned several valuable lessons since taking this medication. Good, healthy eating begins at home. This means I prepare the food for the day at home. This leaves no room for temptation when I am away from home. I am able to reach out to loved ones when I feel temptation to stray from the goal of losing weight. I am not afraid to be myself and express myself. Food is not my friend, God is. I do not live my life to be a slave to the bondage of food. Food has as much control over my life as I allow.

On Facebook, I read a question from a news channel from my state asking what people’s goals were for 2013. The majority of comments were about losing weight. One hot shot commented that losing weight was easy: Put on shoes and beginning running. Smart comments like this are what make several America not want to lose weight. Sure, they have figured things out but how long did the process take? Things are easier said than done when it comes to losing weight.

Yesterday was the first time in the seven week that I almost experienced a breakdown. After I left the department store, I experienced depression. What upset me the most was feeling disappointment by a store that had always treated me so well in the past years. Since the company charges a steep shipping of $10 for online purchases, I thought my best option was to go in the store in person.

The sale of jeans in this store ranges from $17 and up. I went into another store that had similar prices for jeans. After I went home, I thought about a positive option from my past. Growing up in the 1980s meant being given hand-me-down clothes from older relatives in families. This taught us the important value of clothing. At this time, families probably did have the money to spend for children’s clothes but decided not to. This was long before purchasing items on credit. Families saved money to send their children to college. Families saved money to send their children to summer camps. Families thought about the future instead of the present. Law-away was popular during this time.

As a woman who is now finished with a credit card, I cannot be more praising of the ways of the past generations in our modern world. In Norman, there is a community resale shop that has almost any item any person could ever use. There are books, clothes, purses, cell phone cases, toys, old cases of make-up, half bottles of shampoo and body washes, jewelry, shoes, and so much more that is provided to the community for a low price. This system of recycling item is probably not popular during our times. This, however, would be appreciated by the Father from Cormac McArthur’s novel The Road. Buying items from this resale would provide the son (no name is given) with a greater appreciation for the world. Since the items are donated to this store voluntarily, there is no name to be grateful to. The donations are universal. Every person can identify with these donations because every person has a need (or want) the items.

This resale shop provides customers with hope. The customers may be struggling with things another person may never know and not be able to provide basic needs for their own families with high prices of stores. When a customer speaks with an employee who is dressed up and cares, perhaps this will provide the customer with direction.  Working at this type of store may not provide an employee with much take home pay. What skills are learned will shape a person’s character, morality, and virtues that will last a lifetime and can be passed on to other people.

I realize I will not be able to fit into my business suit in a couple of months. My black business suit, a black skirt, and two black slacks are all size sixteens. I am not really disappointed by this. This business suit will always be a part of me. This business suit will always be a stepping stone on the road to recovering from blood clots. When I donate my business suit to a charitable organization, friend, or family member, I can be comforted that this business suit will provide that person with success. This is something money can never buy a person. This business suit will continue to serve women with dreams, goals, and stability. There is no need to make rips and holes in this business suit. Those rips and holes have been healed as time has passed. Hopefully my business suit will be able to heal another woman’s rips and holes. This I strongly believe. In God, we must trust.

This was a photo of me in 2008. I was wearing a size 14 jeans and a medium size t-shirt. This is the happy woman I imagine myself as being again. 

Miss Piggy has always been one of my biggest feminist role models since childhood. She gives me laughter and strength as a woman. I think as a wive, she could have treated Kermit a lot nicer. 

This is one couple I love and adore!!

 Amanda-Leigh's Inspirational Tidbit from a Writer for Today:

I have learned how to take writing advice from author Maya Angelou, writes every day from 6 a.m. to 12 p.m. When I write in the mornings, the day begins positive!