A Stroll with Mrs. Stanton in Solitude

The Four Goals of Elizebeth Cady's Stanton's "The Solitude of the Self" include:
 1. Equal rights of women
2. Women owning property
3. Women gaining equal citizenship rights
4. Individual happiness and development

This is one of the most beautiful wedding dresses I can picture Eve wearing at her paradise wedding.

After God created this new world, he created a man named Adam. From Adam’s rib, God created a woman named Eve, which means “before.” God set the absolute law for marriage down: each spouse leaves the parents home to become one flesh. Along with this new law came God’s warning to this new couple living in a stress-free paradise to not eat the forbidden fruit. Temptation became Eve’s downfall which led to being banished from this romantic world into a world of suffrage, realism, and stress. Adam was also banished.

What is womanhood and why should a woman embrace it? Before I read about Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s four goals for women in her writing “The Solitude of the Self,” I honestly did not understand my own womanhood. I thought true womanhood meant having a wonderful marriage and raising children. As I learned from Mrs. Stanton, women before me suffered greatly for the equal rights women have in our modern world. Before education laws were passed for women and girls, the doors to education were closed. Grammar school and preparing women to become housewives were the only options available.

As a child and later a youth, Mrs. Stanton would listen to her Father’s female clients speak to Judge Cady about suffering as women. As women living in this time, divorce laws were not granted to women. A husband could beat his wife to death, cheat numerous times and the wife could contract venereal diseases, and a widowed wife could not inherit her father or husband’s property. This was a man’s world. Living in a man’s world became difficult for women.

As a child, Mrs. Stanton never felt worthy of Judge Cady’s love and affection. Mrs. Stanton applied herself to learning the subjects of boys. She taught herself how to become an educated woman. Mrs. Stanton was not pleased with the lack of laws of the land for women. There were none. Women could not partake in local, state, or federal government. Women were unable to vote. Women were defined by the role of being a homemaker.

Being a homemaker was not the life every woman wanted for herself. Some women believed in the possibility of getting a higher education. Corresponding to loved ones seemed nice, but there was nothing to discuss with other women except the obvious: the home. This dependence on the home for a woman’s happiness does seem a little depressing to think about in modern times. Working around the home does not provide self-development nor does this let women have interactions with other women. Thus, “The Solitude of the Self” seems to be appropriate.

Solitude means being alone and the self refers to the individual. Before I sent an e-mail to Jo Jennings, the editor of the Bixby Bulletin, I suffered with my physical disability alone. I did not have a strong support network, so I suffered alone. Eventually this suffering controlled my life. I did not believe I was worthy of success in college, a relationship, or having goals for my life. My life centered around the disabled woman instead of the woman. The woman felt like some of the fictional characters in Meridel LeSeuer’s stories. The woman had been taken advantage of too many times, been shot down by discrimination with employment, and felt indifferent in this world. The life I was leading did not set a positive example of a truly respectable woman. so, I was judged. I was shunned. I was let go. I was somebody to be pitied probably.

The more I reached out to women who could speak to me in a nice, thoughtful way, the more I wanted to change my life around. The more I wrote about living with Cerebral Palsy, the more I began to start loving myself and taking better care of the woman. I was tired of living the life I was leading. This life was getting me nowhere. I had already experienced marriage and divorce by the young age of twenty-three.

I wonder what Mrs. Stanton would say about modern Hollywood stars divorcing left and right if she were alive today. Some men and women are not as lucky as our ancestors to share a long, happy marriage. I do realize that God does not like divorce. I also believe that God does not want his people to suffer at the expense of an abusive spouse.

In her "The Solitude of the Self," Mrs. Stanton advocated for the equal rights of women, women owning property, women gaining equal citizenship rights, and individual happiness and development. Mrs. Stanton was also active in the abolition of slavery. When giving speeches at women’s conventions, Mrs. Stanton would wear a black dress with white lace at the neck. When Mrs. Stanton spoke, her audiences listened. What women like me saw in this strong, bold female advocate was a woman who believed in the independent self. 

Mrs. Stanton saw the self as starving for knowledge, liberation, and a desire to mature as a woman. Being the daughter of a Judge, Mrs. Stanton had listened to women and thought about possible options she could provide to women that would better their situations. Mrs. Stanton paved the avenue for young girls to dream of graduating from college to become famous astronauts like Sally Ride. Young girls could have a hand in the American dream. Young girls did not have to depend on one limited role during adulthood. Young girls could become Mayors of their towns. Young girls could dream of owning houses and going into business independently.

I am a firm believer in the pursuit of individual happiness and development. One disappointment I have seen in American reality shows such as The Voice and The Biggest Loser is the reality of people’s dependence on votes and psychological abuse. At the beginning of The Voice, I watched contestants proudly announce dropping out of college to prosper through their musical dreams on American television. The majority of the contestants were not voted on. So, these people went back to their old lives with shattered dreams.

I have watched commercials advertising scenes from The Biggest Loser. Oh, my gosh. When I watch these contestants and trainers, I can not believe this abusive behavior is what our modern shows have become. In one scene, a young man is crying because he wants to lose weight so he can propose marriage to his girlfriend. In another scene, a trainer is screaming at a man (or woman) working out hard. In another scene, Jillian Michaels is banging on a contestant’s exercise machine and screaming at the person. Why would anybody with self-respect want to watch this show?

Values, morals, and good character have been stolen from our evening television shows. The young man I see crying on The Biggest Loser needs to seek counseling instead of being in a relationship and thinking about marriage. What I see in this man is instability and a desire to solve the problem of why he has been unable to lose weight. I see this man being so abused by these trainers that he may have a relapse with food after the show ends.Seeking abuse is not the answer.

I read a comment supporting the show. The comment supported the trainer’s tough love of breaking contestants down only to rebuild them. This behavior is accepted as normal in our social. This is not the pursuit of individual happiness. I would not wish to be yelled at to work harder when I was giving my all. But I was. About five years ago in fact. Each morning, Monday through Friday, I would work out a local fitness place for almost two hours. I gave the workouts my all, and I even worked out on my stationary bike at home.

I was paired with an older female trainer who now reminds me so much of Jillian Michaels. She wanted to push me to my breaking. When I broke, that was it for me. I wanted to get a new trainer. Someone else made the decision for me to not return. That was humiliating in itself, and I have never returned to the place since. Sure, I have passed this place a few times as it is on the local bus route. This does not make me want to go back to the place. I have learned my lesson. I do not wish to set my wheels in a place that will hire abusive employees. So, that was my decision and I have no regrets.

My pursuit for individual happiness is not dependent on another person training me to do better. For example, in the college classroom in the online world, no professor (or instructor) can train a student for preparing for a course in literature. When I first began English literature, I will admit I was feeling a bit intimidated. For one, I had never been in an upper level literature that only required writing six papers to be able to pass. But, I did not only want to pass. I wanted to breath literature and learn the ways of the writers. Making “A”s were nice. I wanted to write and learn. So, I found flashcards and my beloved dictionary. I wrote and I learned literary terms and definitions. The education of the self became my goal.

My individual happiness with physical fitness is something I do in the privacy of my own home. I feel comfortable in this position. I am not vulnerable to another person’s abusive words. I do not feel disappointment at the end of the end of day. In fact, quite the contrary. I work very hard each day. When I work out, I feel Mrs. Stanton’s loving spirit and female literary characters inside of me. I do not feel the disabled side of me at all. I set no physical limits on the self. The self is not as is. The self has room for growth and development.

Each day, I feel muscle pains in my legs. I take comfort in the realization that my physical pain is not at the expense of another person. This training to be a better self does not cost me financially. I am independent of that financial obligation. I did buy my exercise bike for $10 from a man who was suffering from HIV. The man had contracted this deadly disease from a blood transfusion at a hospital. The man received money to help with his basic needs, and I received a stationary exercise bike.

Mrs. Stanton believed that education and training for women would be beneficial. I have known several female college graduates who inspired me. If my former teachers and college professors had never been ambitious and believed in their abilities to change lives of the young today, I would have never had the honor of being their student. These women graduated from high school and college to reach the American dream in their own. From my beloved kindergarten teacher to my Honors Introduction to Literature professor, these women applied themselves to their studies and did not give up when giving up may have seemed easier.

My nurses from hospital stays never gave up on themselves. Early on in my life, I was hospitalized for severe seizures. When I entered Children’s Hospital in March of 1980, female nurses took care of me. Apparently they must have done something right since I am still here! Their love and nurture of my care helped prove the doctor’s prognosis wrong. The doctor said I would not live long. If I did, I would not amount to much.

From reading Chris Burke’s biography, I learned that mainstreaming of people with physical disabilities became a law in the mid-1980s.  I remember being in special education classes that strictly were for children with physical disabilities. I remember being bussed to participate in the State Special Olympics in Stillwater at Oklahoma State University. We stayed in dorms and attended a dance. In the evenings, we attended a ceremony on the field.

I remember these memories fondly. It’s hard to believe all of this took place almost thirty years ago. This experience at Oklahoma State University provided me with dreams. Maybe I could attend college. As I reflect back on my experience in special education, I do not remember learning how to write. I do not remember learning how to spell. This was provided to me in the home. My skills were not taught in this classroom. In fact, this classroom seemed comfortable to me. I was around other children who experienced the same physical difficulties as I did. In a way, I feel like a fish who was taken away from her sea of fish and never put back inside the water.

I have struggled with feelings of guilt throughout my years. I was able to receive a good education while other children probably were not as lucky. Where are they at now? I am not able to find them on Facebook because these classmates were probably not taught how to type the way I was. Plus, they were probably not able to understand everything spoken to them.

This has been a hard thing for me to deal with. I have come to accept that some of the classmates have probably passed away. Their doctor’s prognosis were probably true for their lives. Still, I believe they deserved a chance to be a fish taken out of water and taken to an ocean to swim beside me. In this way, I have experienced a sense of solitude. I miss not knowing the special classmates from our special education classes. I miss not being in their lives to watch them grow. I miss not being able to show comfort to them as they are in the hospital. I miss not being able to attend their funerals and keeping their spirits alive.

Perhaps this is why I keep the character Ottillie so dear to my heart. In the story “Holiday” by Katherine Anne Porter, Ottillie’s physical disability is not treated kindly. Within her German family, Ottillie is a female servant. The role she plays is the cook. Whatever the family wants to eat, guess who cooks. The narrator begins to relate to Ottillie in a respectable manner. Living in a houseful of siblings who have their own marriages and children to raise, this sister is living on the outside looking in through a closed glass window.

As a woman, I can relate to Ottillie. I believe Ottillie can do much better in her life than be spoken to and treated with such disrespect. I feel the same way about the female child from Harriet E. Wilson’s “A Friend for Nig.” In this story, a small servant girl named Nig runs away from her abusive Mistress. Every character seems to be afraid of standing up to this female. Both of the Mistress’s and Master’s sons are home from college. One of the sons befriends Nig, or Frado. This son’s lack of help is a bit disappointing to me. This son has been provided with the resources needed to escape his mother’s wrath and decides to not provide this stability to his new young friend.   

In Sarah Jewell Orne Jewett’s “The White Heron,” a different perspective is provided on the education of the self. In “The White Heron,” a loving grandmother rescues her young granddaughter from the sins of the city life. This small heroine is unable to relate to a scientist from her own background when he wants to industrialize her new found comfortable country living. The man wants this child to help him find the famous white heron. This child makes an independent decision to see this white heron for herself. As she climbs a tree (not a sycamore tree in this case), she begins to mature into a young lady. She begins to realize her grandmother saved her so she could protect the scarce wildlife. This protection was then put above her own feelings of awe for the scientist. She began to embrace her role as a young woman.

When the grandmother decided to take this girl away from the city, the education of the self was probably damaged. This young child would not be in the modern world of advancements in technology, be given the chance to excel in academics, or work her way up the corporate ladder. This life was not important to the character. What mattered most was saving a bird’s existence in the world. Being a smart little cookie, she probably realized this scientist was a chip off the old block who followed greed. This young character received the best education and independence this day. This day this literary character set the positive example Eve could have used in her day. For this, the young lady did not run herself or her grandmother out of a paradise. The scientist probably learned nothing from this experience. He probably moved on to his next experiment in college.

This literary character of Eve did not disappoint God or her flesh. The man was disappointed much like that of Joseph in Matthew when Mary told him she was pregnant with God's child. This young literary character watched this young male scientist walk out of her life. This young character kept her family honor, self-respect, self-dignity, and herself. This man took nothing from because she did not show vulnerability. This girl was her own. Even though the story does not mention this girl's past, we can assume she grew up around several siblings for the need for her grandmother to rescue her. Perhaps this girl realized she did not want to raise children early on in life. She did not want become the female lead in some perverted man's world. She wanted her own world and independence. The evil snake did try to tempt this girl into sin and she refused to travel down that path.

What I learned from the experience was to appreciate nature the way the young granddaughter did in Flannery O’Connor’s “A View of the Woods.” Combined, these young characters were able to appreciate the hardships of lives their grandparents led. These girls strongly believed their play time belonged on the farm life. As a former child who felt the same way, I share in this joy to the start of a learning process. Values, morals, and independent characters and virtues begin on the farm for many children. As a reader, I can only trust the young character from “The White Heron” chose to attend a college that had an excellent agricultural program. Perhaps this character chose to attend Oklahoma State University. Or perhaps this strong young character chose to pursue a writing career and save her animals that way. Sadly, the other granddaughter from O'Connor's story does not have a happy ending.

In modern America, education of the self is not taken as seriously. One reason is we know the doors to education are always open to us. We do not understand what living in a world that does not let women participate would be like. We are taught to marry young when we are children from playing house with Barbie and Ken and playing with Cabbage Patch dolls. We are given foods as rewards when we behave and this carries over into adulthood. We are given technology to play with instead of Lego's and children's stories. 

I made this 95% on a biology exam because I believe this could happen one day.

When I took biology in the Fall of 2011, I was invited to a sorority party on campus. In all of my years of attending college, I had never been invited to a campus party. Here I was a woman who had experienced a renaissance of the self. I was happily married. I was too old to attend a college party. My idea of a party is reading a great book with a hot mug of cocoa beside me. Besides, attending a college party did not point to success. I have attended college courses with female students who have participated in sororities. Studying for courses were not on their priority lists. Passing with a "C" was good enough for them. I, too, believed this until I read Cupcake Brown's story. Then I set higher standards for myself as a college student. Getting by was not good enough for me. Doing this led to meet several talented men and women of biology, music, religion, and literature. 

I would love to have met Mrs. Stanton in person. At times when I think about Mrs. Stanton, I forget she is not present in modern times. I like this feeling. I like feeling a strong connection with this feminist writer. Mrs. Stanton made me want to do better in my own life. Because of her positive influence with words, I have changed. I love my own womanhood. Even though I may not be able to conceive children, I am able to feel like a complete woman. I am able to have a greater appreciation for education. I am able to have goals and accomplish them. Then I can create new goals. This positive cycle can thus continue.

Our world was also changed through the devoted advocacy of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Tubman, Harriet Jacobs, Sojourn Truth, and Frederick Douglass. The Emancipation Proclamation celebrates its one hundred and fiftieth year being active for the freedom of slavery. So many brave men and women suffered at the cruelty of hands for years. We remember them fondly in this new year.  

This young girl was targeted outside of her school in Pakistan and shot for her strong belief that every girl deserves an education. I am certain Mrs. Stanton would be so proud of this strong young survivor.