Amanda-Leigh at the Cinema

Two siblings in Lincoln County have been reunited with their Father and his family. The two children missing were a a boy and a girl. Yesterday their mother, who had no legal custody rights, chose to abduct her children from their Father’s house. As a person, I do not feel I should make a judgment in this situation. I do send prayers to this family and for everybody who has been affected by this situation. This situation did bother me because of the realism involved.

The mother suffers from bi-polar and substance abuse problems. As a young woman battling with depression, I tried almost every psychotropic drug on the market during the years 2000 to 2003, I completely understand the side effects are not too pleasant. Some side effects can cause increases in hormones, problems with agitation and concentration, nervousness and anxiety, rashes, a raise in body temperature, appetite, and so much more. By the time I discovered this, I felt drained. I was tired of being put on new medications. In fact, I promised myself I would never go back on medication again during my lifetime.

I am reminded of my mother-in-law, who will always remain twenty eight. My mother-in-law’s death happened around March 25, 1983. My mother-in-law was named Helen. She and Zelda Fitzgerald remind me so much of each other. Both young ladies shared the link of schizophrenia in their daily lives. Contrary to the negative media coverage over this mental illness, I have had to take into consideration that each person’s case is different. Helen and Zelda lived in two completely different worlds. Both women were mothers of only one child each. Both women were separated from their biological child. Both women behaved outrageously in public at times. Both women did things most women would not normally do.

Before Helen became stable on her medication, taking drugs were active in her life. This mother’s custodial rights were given to her mother. There are pictures of Helen wearing tight clothes next to strange men her son is ashamed of. When Helen began taking her medication, she changed as a woman. This woman became quite the classy lady. My husband remembers his mother wearing beautiful outfits and discontinued the former life. Taking drugs stopped. Helen began taking responsibility for her actions. Helen grew and matured as a woman.

One situation made my mother-in-law flee to Indiana. This is a situation I am unable to bring myself to disclose. I am unable to decide the truth behind events leading up to this point. Helen wanted to be close to her favorite musician, Michael Jackson. This was the state Helen passed away in. The truth about Helen’s death is unknown. Her death certificate does not provide us with an accurate date of death. All we are able to have is an estimated date.

I have no doubt Helen loved her only son. My husband remembers his mother dressing him up in little boy clothes. My husband lived with his mother when she had her own place. This beautiful lady studied the Bible with her friends and tried to become a better person. Helen nor her ex-husband knew their mental illnesses would be passed down to my husband when he became an adult. In spite of this, my husband still loves his mother for the woman she was. My husband is proud of her willingness to give up custody rights to somebody was in a more stable frame of mind. My husband is proud of his mother for quitting drugs cold turkey to become stable on medication. My husband is proud of his mother for watching over him from heaven.

One reason I have a great deal of respect for Zelda Fitzgerald and Helen is the beauty in arts they provided for my husband and me. Mrs. Zelda provided me with literature that made me turn pages in the solitude of the night. Helen provided my husband with records she had collected during her youth and adulthood. These two amazing women provided us with their heart’s passions. The love of the arts is an important of the marriage my husband and I share.

When I had to be on Tramadol right after the blood clots in my body were discovered, my husband became worried I would become addicted to them. I did have a hard time with the withdrawal symptoms. When I had my hysterectomy, my husband was worried about me becoming addicted to morphine used. During our first year of marriage, we  had arguments on this subject. As time has passed, my husband has learned that I am not going to abuse medication. I am not fully able to understand everything my husband had to experience. I do know that the aunt who raised my husband refused to seek treatment for his problem with ADD when he was a child because she did not want him to become addicted to medication the way her sister had been. His aunt also refuses to believe my husband lives with a mental illness the way her sisthe ter did.

When the Amber Alert was sent out from Lincoln County yesterday afternoon, I prayed hard for the two children’s safety. At first I did not believe this mother had a mental illness. In the media lately, mental illnesses have been over-used as a legal insanity defense. My concentration was on the safety of the children. I was also unable to understand how a mother could hurt a father this way. Regardless of any custody issue, I find that hurting a child’s father in this manner to be extremely low. This Father and others like him want their children to live in a safe environment. So, I sent prayers for the children’s safe return to their Father and his family.

I refused to watch the news on television last night. The James Holmes case would be on the nightly news. That would include watching more witnesses testifying about the effects Holmes had on their lives. I could not handle watching anymore of this. This reality in our world was becoming too much. I chose to exercise and watch Antenna Television featuring Good Times and Sanford and Son. I was also slowly recovering from a cold. In the evening, my husband and I listened to the Delihah show on our radio.

Our son found a new place to sleep inside. My husband him pointed out to me early on in the evening. Luigi had jumped inside our laundry basket full of clean clothes and slept a comfortable position. As the hours passed, we did not feel the need to wake Luigi and put him in bed with us. Our son seemed happy sleeping in our laundry basket. Why move him?

Watching one episode of The Jeffersons reminded me of my role as a woman. In this episode, Florence became down in the dumps after watching Lionel and Jenny raise Baby Jessica. There have been times when I believed that true womanhood meant having a happy marriage and producing children. I also believed I was doomed for a life of misery if I did not have a child of my own flesh and blood. This was placed into my head by modern society. This was not a positive outlook of the self. This negative image was not going to lead me to meeting personal goals.

I am able to realize that a woman’s natural ability to have a child is one of the greatest gifts in this world. For those of us women who are physically unable to have a child the natural way, we are able to apply to become foster parents. That is, unless we are men and women living with physical disabilities and mental illnesses. In this situation of discrimination in Oklahoma law, we are legally unable to adopt a child. Another positive option for us is to adopt a furry animal from a local welfare society or humane society. Under this option, we become free of the legal restraints our state place on us. We become free of the possible bondage associated with Department of Human Services visiting our home to take our child away because they do not feel we are good enough parents based on our physical and mental conditions. We are free of facing the legal reality that parents like us will be placing our biological child(ren) in the same sad situations the news media reports on each day. This is not something I wish to experience on my free will.

One of the hardest decisions a woman can make is deciding when to let go. Some women are unable to make this decision for themselves, so the court steps in. Families and friends have watched a beautiful bright woman turn into somebody they are unable to know. This woman used to be an honors college student, had a happy marriage, and great work ethics. How did this woman wind up in court today in a custody battle that began with problems with substance abuse?

When I think about strong feminist writers in our past English and American history, I do not have the time to reflect on modern Hollywood movies. I would be happier reading an autobiography about another woman’s life of overcoming physical hardships while living with a physical disability than watch Hollywood’s sweet and rosy version of the situation. When “The Other Sister” was released, I really had no interest in watching the movie. This was Hollywood’s version of a sister with a physical or mental disability who decided to marry. I did appreciate the fact that an awareness was being made that favored people with physical and mental disabilities being able to lead a happy, normal life similar to non-disabled women. However, this became a watered down version of Dr. Pepper in order to sell revenue.   

Even though I have not had a drop of Dr. Pepper prior to the Thanksgiving holiday, the type of Dr. Pepper I preferred to drink was the original version. A critic could accurately me of being a picky drinker. I knew my Dr. Pepper, and drinking Diet Dr. Pepper or Dr. Thunder could never hold a candle with bright yellow flames to the original. The original did not sugar coat the flavors. The original did not try to persuade anybody’s taste buds into a new brand. The original was real, and real faithful drinkers will not stop drinking the original version of Dr. Pepper.

I am a routine person the way Paule Marshall features Professor Max Berman in “Brooklyn.” This professor lectured from the same set of notes each semester. This professor lives in the same house he grew up in. I am the same way in ways. When I buy a loaf of wheat bread, it has to be in the same yellow plastic wrapper. When I go to Subway to eat, this is the same scenario. I eat the same thing. I order wheat bread, turkey breast, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and Ranch dressing. As much as I have had suggestions to branch out to try eat something new at Subway, I probably won’t.

When I think about Hollywood’s version of personal development and happiness involving a woman with a physical disability, I do not believe any film would ever be able to accurately depict our lives. Unless Hollywood physically searches for real people with physical disabilities, I refuse to watch people who are non-disabled trying to be the way we are. I don’t find this humorous to watch. I would actually find this sad and degrading to watch. I would probably have really expectations for defining a really good movie featuring real people with physical disabilities. I would want watch a movie that included realistic hardships, health problems, and situations that will not romanticize the original person.    

After the production of “The Other Sister,” I did not see movements created by audiences.  I did not see a rapid increase of people with disabilities in employment, a change in rules and regulations in public transportation systems, or funding created to provide an awareness of the beautiful woman within. I have, however, seen a degrading website that promotes sexual contact of people with disabilities. This is their form of employment. I have heard people with disabilities refer to themselves as “cripples” as an acceptable term. I have helplessly watched people with disabilities give up on themselves too often. This realistic part of a person's with a disability would probably never be featured in a big Hollywood blockbuster. If this was featured, immature people would be imitating the person and creating Youtube videos and also posting on their Facebook walls. Besides, most modern audiences of the cinema want to see romanticized happily-ever after conclusions.