Amanda-Leigh Goes Crazy for Neon Colors

Yesterday was my husband and my ninety days of recovery. Being ninety days liberated from a food addiction may seem small to many people in our world today but this has been an important step for me. As a woman with a physical disability who has been able to overcome so many obstacles life has thrown at me, recovery has been something I have taken seriously. When I first started Phentermine, I did not know if I would or would not succeed. Phentermine was not a miracle drug for losing weight. Phentermine was the tool I needed to lose weight. In the end, I wound up losing over thirty pounds.

Writing, exercise, and a healthy diet provided the spinal cord I needed. I needed this form of stability for success to happen. When I have stepped on my scale and seen that I have only lost one pound in a week’s time, I am able to appreciate that pound. Losing one pound is one step closer to my weight goal. I am not going to cry over milk that has not spilled. I have done my best for the week. Losing weight the healthiest way possible has been my goal. I do not believe in The Biggest Loser’s philosophy of breaking a person down only to build him or her back up. I believe in the power of loving the self for success.

On Valentine’s Day, I was riding the bus on campus. A young Middle Eastern college student got on the bus to go to campus. This woman had her hair tied back in a ponytail. She wore lovely make up, a professional suit that included a skirt, pantyhose, and high heel shoes. On the way I saw several male students dressed up in nice business suits, female students wearing professional clothing, hose, and dress shoes. Seeing students dressing up and caring about their appearance left me feeling inspired about my own walk in the world. I loved seeing so many college students dressing well. On a personal note, this made me want to dress my husband in his suit and take him out! As in, break out the roses, candles, and get ready for a night full of pure wholesome romance. I wish our evening had turned out that way. There is always tonight. This is what I take comfort in.

This professional atmosphere was what provided hope for my own recovery from blood clots three years. I remember watching a young female college student walking across the campus of the University of Oklahoma in a professional business. Ar the time I felt lost and alienated. Nobody else my age had to face having a hysterectomy. I felt like the Ugly Duckling. This college student's dress made me feel hopeful. She provided a mature outlook on the entire college experience. When I saw this lady walking with her head straight, I saw she meant business. This was a woman I hoped to be like. I needed to start dressing this way, or at least plan to. I remember thinking, “This is going to be me one day!”

I did, in fact, dress up in a professional business suit that November. I reflect on the waves I received. When my husband and I met loved ones for lunch, we saw two business men walking from a restaurant to their car. These men saw me and waved. This was a powerful feeling for me. I felt powerful as a woman. I was going to continue my college education and finish up. This feeling provided the self-confidence I needed. I was not only a woman with a physical disability. I was also a woman who had self-respect and great ambitions in this world.

I still feel powerful as a woman. I did not get this powerful feeling by treating my equals like trash or doing shady things to them. For a woman with a physical disability – and a woman period – to receive respect is extremely hard. Since receiving my Associate in Arts, I have had my application rejected by the local school district. I am not good enough to work at local establishments. I am not qualified enough because I have no prior work experience that defines me in the career world. I still refuse to give up. This rejection has made me want to go back for a BA in English. At least with the field of writing, I will be able to market my work through life experiences that identify me with literary characters and their creators. English is most forgiving of a physical disability. English is where I feel most comfortable in this unforgiving world.

When I reach my weight goal, I will be dressing up more. This is a promise. I owe it to those loved ones who have been by my side through thick and thin. In my home in the daytime, I currently dress in neon colors of pink, yellow, and green to work out in. I am comfortable wearing neon colors. These cheerful colors make up for the cold weather outside. I enjoy wearing the colors of the rainbow. Each time I step into my neon wardrobe, I feel more alive. I feel like a dancing Skittle! I am not defined by how much or how little work experience I may or may not have. I am defined by the movement of the arts. The advancement of science helped me become the woman I am today. The arts liberated me from the bondage of food and disability. I believe these things are worth fighting for each day. Who knows, I may think of making video tapes of me working out to help others who may be in my position one day. This is a goal I have kept hidden inside.

Have a wonderful Saturday and Sunday! I hope everyone is able to enjoy this weekend. The weather may be cold outside, but there will always be warmth inside. We are truly blessed to have our loved ones close by. My husband encourages me each day. Whenever I begin to feel down, I am able to think of my husband’s life and recovery. He also has great men supporting him. This has made me want to do better in my own life. What affects my husband affects me also and vice versa. My healthy lifestyle has inspired my husband to become a better person as well. By our wedding anniversary in early April, I am hoping to be picked up and carried by my husband!! This is something I am looking forward to!