This is the morning I would have begun summer courses. I have had
time to pray about the situations last week. I felt powerless and empty after
receiving the phone call from my nurse about the cyst along with the fact that I
did not apply for Financial Aid for the summer semester. Being in such a
vulnerable state was not easy for me. This vulnerable state took me back to
Emergency Room visits where blood clots were discovered and life had to be put
on hold.
As a thirty-three old woman, I don’t feel that life should be put
on hold any longer than necessary. I am not in my twenties anymore where
depression controlled my existence. I would rather direct my positive energy
towards reading, exercising, writing, and recovering. For me, the Fall semester
begins on August 12. I have from now until that date to enjoy summer. I don’t
want to live for pain and suffering. I have to make each day memorable. Years from
now, this cyst on my kidney will seem small compared to what this summer will
hold. I want treasures. I want to write about readings and research on subjects
that interest me. This is meat on the bone. I want to look back on my writings
and share them in years to come.
I am getting back into reading literature again. The first book of
summer is The Voyage Out by Virginia Woolf. In the beginning
chapter, one thing I notice from The Voyage Out is the color yellow
describes the setting and mood. The mood is not too pleasant for Mrs. Helen
Ambrose, who ventures on a voyage with her husband, Ridley. What good and
caring mother leaves her own children behind? This thought of mine is expressed
by the blunt words of Mrs. Clarissa Dalloway in a following chapter. In the
beginning, I don’t view Mrs. Ambrose or Mrs. Dalloway as being productive
members of their society the way of Rachel Vinrace. Rather, I view the married
women in more of a negative light. At least Mrs. Dalloway tries to reach out to
Rachel in the beginning.
Music and literature have always been an expression of Rachel. After Rachel's mother's passing, Mr. Willoughby did his best to provide Rachel with a rich informal
education. In the beginning chapters, Rachel’s talent of playing the piano is silently criticized
by Mrs. Ambrose. In Mrs. Ambrose’s mind, playing the piano will spoil her niece’s
chance of becoming a proper lady who should want to marry a proper man. The field
of art is not considered being productive to Mrs. Ambrose. The field of art can
be considered an idle act for a young lady to partake in. This train of thought
comes from Woolf’s society where men held positions in the British Parliament. Men
wrote literature, music, and painted. Women were to married off from their
Father’s houses and raise a family. There was no equality in the arts for
aspiring young women like Rachel.
As I read The Voyage Out, the more I feel a desire to read
books on the British Parliament, the Torreys, and the English, I would like to
have a better understanding of British society and history. I would also like
to join the Virginia Woolf Society in England one day. With this being written,
I am grateful things worked out in literature’s favor. I am interested in
seeing where literature takes me this summer; what skies I lay under; and whose
shoes I step into. Yes, my dear readers, life is good. Life is too good for
pain. Getting lost in fine literature and great music are to be treasured. Writing this down also helps.
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