Amanda-Leigh and "The Open Boat"

I feel much better after previously expressing my thoughts on my marriage. I was able to have a sense of identity again. That is a wonderful feeling to experience. Everything I have experienced since the year 2010 has drifted me into feelings of alienation the male literary characters share in Stephen Crane’s short story “The Open Boat.” Not a character jumps to his death in the water. Each day is a new adventure of survival. There are signs of hope along the water and land. The process of being rescued seemed to take forever. I am sure the Bible would estimate this time frame as forty years. Forty years would be fitting considering there was no hope at times.

“The Open Boat” does not share any hints as to where the crew has come from or where they are going. The dialogue is dry and not really lively. The focus is centered on getting from Point A to Point B. There is no actual center. There is no way to identify with a character or his or her interaction in their world. There is no way of knowing whether the character is struggling with the soul searching process of who he or she is. As readers, we do not know. We do not know how these characters relate to their environments. We do not know what challenges these characters face on a daily basis. From this story, we do not know the characters struggles of living outside of an open boat. Would having more knowledge hurt the story or help the story?

As I reflect on “The Open Boat,” I am able to think about my own life. How did I get into an open boat? How did the waters wash up my personal happiness for the past three years? I am unable to understand where I went wrong as a wife. There are times when I feel like breaking down crying. The pain of hurt and disappointment make me feel like a crushed rose. There are days when I do not want to deal with everything that is happening. There are days when I wish I could sit in my closet and cry all day instead of forcing myself to step outside to be happy and not feel like an ugly duckling. What bad thing did I do to deserve so much hurt?

Right now, I feel powerless about my situation. I am not able to move forward with my life and happiness until I move out. When I move out, I hope to feel so much better. I will not feel stuck anymore. I will no longer be confined to an uncomfortable role. When I use uncomfortable, I am referring to feeling like someone I am not. I am not a mother to anybody except a Chihuahua who was abandoned. I will no longer feel alienated. I will no longer be stuck in my home during bad weather. I will feel safer in my new place. I won’t feel hopeless anymore. I will be rescued the way the crew was from “The Open Boat.”