Amanda-Leigh the Ballerina

I will be having an ultrasound on Tuesday morning. I have had my share of ultrasounds over the past few years. I have never become immune to having an ultrasound. I still feel the nausea build up inside my bronchial tubes whenever I think about previous ultrasounds. My past ultrasounds were for female problems and to scan for blood clots. I had an ultrasound before my hysterectomy for my former doctor to be accurate when she removed my uterus.

For months, I have had pain by my right rib cage. My doctor was aware of this problem. As I began losing weight, the pain became more intense. My doctor wants to perform an ultrasound to find out if this is caused by endometriosis, if my gallbladder needs to be removed, or if a cyst is inside. Getting to the bottom of this problem is important. Apparently having a partial hysterectomy was not enough the way I had hoped and prayed.

Classes begin a week from this Monday and I will be moving into a fully handicapped accessible apartment soon. To save my sanity, I do not let the upcoming ultrasound control my emotions. My husband was pretty clear about coming with me on Tuesday morning. I knew he would be. My husband has stood by my side through every ultrasound since we began. My husband has been a wonderful sport through everything.

I am still able to work out. In fact, I do. Nothing will stop me from being a ballerina dancer. I am aware I am not be as graceful as ballerinas in Russia or in the Nutcracker. I have learned that I dance to the beat of my own drum. This is completely acceptable, When I work out, I do so as an expression of a little ballerina in a Tulsa dance studio. I wanted to dance, so I did for a time. When the music stopped and the studio for children with physical disabilities closed, the dream somehow died. The art of ballet died. No one could dry the tears of my hurt soul.

As I sit here reflecting back to that time frame, I realize I held my pink dance bag with the dreams of a true ballerina. So the dance studio closed. My personal ballet studio has just begun to open. Nobody will ever be able to close this dream. I am hoping to get another pink dance bag, leg warmers, and a tutu one day. I already have my leotard, tights, and ballet shoes to go inside the bag. I am keeping my eyes focused on the stars above as they guide me in this world. This keeps the gnats of life outside my safety net. Every ballerina is a strong lady in my book. This is why I choose to be one in my own little world.  

Every ballerina has a pair of her own ballet shoes.

This is one example of my daily leg stretches. I prefer to do more strenuous leg stretching.