Amanda-Leigh's First Visit with Robert Browning

Happy Monday! This is the first day of Spring Break for most of the residents in my college town. I wish these residents a safe, blessed, and peaceful break. May their minds be able to rest for at least a week. May their teachers and professors be able to unwind and enjoy time with their friends and family members. This is the time for everybody to throw their mathematic and biology textbooks aside and put on a different role for the changing season.

I have been reading Clyde De L. Ryal’s The Life of Robert Browning. One thing that has not been written is the feeling of guilt Robert Browning has for choosing to walk away from embracing all of the beliefs of Percy Shelley. Growing up, Browning excelled better from the education of his parents. Mrs. Browning seemed to be like my maternal grandmother in the gardening aspect. She taught her young son about plants and nature. His father, Robert Sr., taught his son different languages. When this son did attend school, he was sent home because the school did not wish to shame the other male students.

This meant the Brownings had to find a school for their gifted son to attend. In the meantime, Robert basked in the glory of Percy Shelley’s readings of absolutism. What is absolutism exactly? When I think of absolutism, I do not like the meaning I find. Absolutism is fixed. Absolutism does not leave room for change. There is no room for a student’s horizons to be broadened the way Bronson Alcott’s Socrates style of teaching enhanced young students’ minds. Had this young Romantic English poem been a hungry student in Mr. Alcott’s class, perhaps his path in the world would have taken a different turn. If this scenario had happened, would Browning have still written the beautiful lyrics of “My Last Duchess”?  

When I read this biography, I get a sense of mixed feelings. For one, I am not too impressed by John Stuart Mills criticism of Robert Browning’s first work. Mills’ harsh review had been rejected by several news outlets. Reflecting back to Alfred Lord Tennyson’s first poetry, I remember reading where John Stuart Mills’s criticism shut him down in a way as a poet. Perhaps I am being too harsh in my own criticism of Mills. I feel that words should be expressed if the mood creates them. Great poets do not need to be criticized by religious or political authority. When I read where Mills had written a bad review of Browning, I thought, Oh no. He's at this again. Please leave these bright poets alone. Not again!

Maybe this form of negative criticism of the poet turned him to the writings of Percy Shelley during his childhood years. Shelley became a positive role model for young Robert Browning. As time passed and Browning found his way in the world, the more he outgrew the teachings of Shelley. He began to realize that Shelley was wrong about certain ideas and thoughts. This betrayal is reflected in some of Browning’s early work. Browning still reflected on his pure wholesome days of reading Shelley with great fondness. The man may have matured but the boy was still alive and active. Shelley's fatherly guidance never left Browning in a literary sense.

When I was reunited with my junior high English teacher a few years ago, I began to read famous works by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I would read these works and feel bedazzled by his words. I loved the images Fitzgerald created in my mind. I felt intimate with the beauty of literature. This made me want to read a biography of F. Scott Fitzgerald. The biography opened up my eyes. I could not believe a husband betrayed his own wife by stealing work from her personal journal. This act disgusted me. I no longer saw F. Scott Fitzgerald larger than life. I saw F. Scott Fitzgerald for what he was: a fraud and a plagiarist.

I understand exactly how Robert Browning felt in relation to his literary role model, Percy Shelley. Even today, I still have a sense of guilt. I feel guilty because I outgrew the starry eyes for F. Scott Fitzgerald, who helped me find my place in literature. Browning became a famous poet thanks to reading the writings of Shelley. We both outgrew our literary role models. In a way, we may have betrayed them. Knowing that Fitzgerald used his wife’s brilliant mind, I can never go back to being that starry eyed fan again. I do not wish to be taken for a fool. I have grown up. I have matured. Fitzgerald was the one who dropped out of college and never returned.

As much as I enjoy reading the writings of Browning, I am disappointed that he did not apply himself as one of the first rosters to attend The London University. I also understand why Browning dropped out. The 1800s did not have the advancement of modern technology or honors programs at colleges. This hindered the academic progress of student curriculum. There was no alternative that made Browning feel challenged as a student. With Browning’s tragic history of being sent home from school for being too bright, we are unable to get a first-hand glimpse into the emotional damage this caused. Perhaps Browning would have excelled best with online college work the way I do.

In the online college environment, there are no outside demands placed on a student. When the weather is bad, I do not have to e-mail professors that I am unable to attend classes. I do not have to rush and get ready each day. I am able to be stress-free of an environment that creates anxiety for me. I feel nervous around a class full of students. I feel self-conscience. Nobody else in the room has a physical disability. I do not like to stand out. I prefer the online classroom environment because I feel safe and at peace. This is where I do not feel the disability in me. This feeling provides the musical instrument I need to succeed. I am able to take comfort that I am not alone.