Two Strong Feminist Authors and Me

I am writing to share with everybody that today is my thirty-third birthday. I am aware that most women do not like sharing their real ages with anybody. In fact, when I remember some of my female friends birthdays, I am asked how I remember. With their amazing support, love, friendship, and words of encouragement throughout the years, how could I not remember? I love to remember when their creation in this world began. To not remember and appreciate their special day would be extremely low and shallow.

Somebody did forget my birthday yesterday as in the last few years. Usually on my birthday I have spent the night before crying. I have had suicidal thoughts over this issue. But giving up my love for somebody else is not worth it. I have felt things would be better off without me in this world. Literature needs me and I need literature. These women need a strong voice that will not be judgmental to their circumstances or womanhood. When I open literature, I am a new ivory Queen and these women are my companions. With these women by my side, I am liberation from every form of bondage. These pieces make me happy, and I am never going to give them up.

Yesterday evening my husband and I had a big argument over the subject. Growing up a Jehovah Witness, my husband was not used to people wishing him a “Happy Birthday.” He is used to this type of behavior. I am not nor will I ever be. Why should I become immune? I was not raised to simply forget a person. I am happy giving gifts, love, words of encouragements, and cards that lift people's spirits. This is the of my first name. Everybody is worthy of love. We may have wronged each other in the past, but today is a new day and should be treated as such. This is a part of maturing process. A person grows and develops more when realizing this. 

Yesterday I decided to not work out over the 27^th and 28^th to let my muscles grow. When I work out I also relieve stress. As my husband and I have been cooped up with each other because of the freezing temperatures, my temperament began to flare. Since I gave up Dr. Pepper cold turkey weeks ago, that was not an option. So, I felt like a snowwoman stuck in  a storm. This will be the tenth year my maternal grandmother will not be able to celebrate her birthday with me on Earth. Everything felt like a volcano ready to erupt. There is so much hurt inside my heart that the only way I am able to cope is to read literature and deny the existence of realism in this world. I don’t want to deal with the realism around my birthday. I would rather read stories other strong women have written than deal with my own “tragic” story.

This is my birthday and I feel led to write about a subject that may sound preachy. I make no apologies for this. I feel this needs to be written and shared with everybody. On my birthday, my wish to every reader today is to accept the power of forgiveness. The power of forgiveness is one like no other. The first step is initiation. Most of us do not know how to express our apologies in an organized, structured manner. We feel  nervous. We feel overwhelmed with stress. We want to be forgiven but we are not. So we cry in our rooms in solitude to let the darkness to heal our wounds. We want something to be an ice breaker. We want and need the other person to bend a little bit so he and she can understand where we are coming from. Being forgiven and having the power to forgive are the keys to having a successful relationship.

I have forgiven those who have hurt me in the past. I did this so I could move on with my own life. I have forgiven my husband a few times in our past. The process was not easy at first. My husband has seen my wrath and this is not a pretty sight. My husband does not sleep next to me nor does he want to be around me. I am mad and I have the feelings every wife experiences. I also was taught in church how to forgive. I could never see my life without my husband by my side. This man may drive me crazy at times. I may feel like locking him out of our home or locking myself in our bathroom when I mad (he always checks the door knob) but I took this whacky, crazy man before God, friends, and family to love, honor, and nourish each day.

Feminust author Elizabeth Cady Stanton

I am surrounded by strong feminine writers who I use as references when the world makes no sense. Two in particular are Elizabeth  Cady Stanton and Meridel Wharton LeSeuer. Whenever I am down, the four goals in “The Solitude of the Self” (by Stanton, a composition I am working on for another blog) point me in the right direction. When I think how pitiful and countrified Redneckish my life may seem, I am able to read about the oppressed, poverty-stricken women from “Women Are Hungry” and “Women on the Breadlines” by Meridel LeSeuer. In each of these literary pieces, no character is given a positive, happy ending. On the contrary, we do not know how these character’s endings turn out to be. For several critics, this can be the point where readers stop.

Feminist author Meridel LeSeuer

Realism in literature is not easy to cope with, nor is realism in our world. In order to complete two literature courses to be able to graduate, I had to read Cynthia Ozick’s “The Shawl,” a real story about a baby being thrown against an electric fence by German soldiers. The first I read this story, I felt tears well up inside and I cried. Plus, I reading Cormac McArthur’s The Road, where a mother commits suicide in order to save herself from being victimized by “the bad men.” I was also typing up novel form of answers for questions in Ethics Criminal Justice.

When I read stories in literature cover realism, I am not in my comfort zone by any means. Realism and Romanticism are two different movements in literature. Romanticism features one literary character as a god. The literary character is not capable of carrying out an act to wrong or mislead others. But the character does. I have grown to realize that Romanticizing in literature does not create a drive for readers to change the world. Reading fairy tales like Cinderella, Thumbelina, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs do not provide audiences with a desire to change the world. In fact, as I sit here reflecting on  these fairy tales, I would love to switch roles with these female characters at times.

When I read realism, I do not feel a desire to switch roles with literary characters. In fact, I am repulsed by most of the lives these women lead and the way they are treated by society. Reflecting back on “Women on the Breadlines,” one older female character stands out to me. This character wears clothes that are worn out, her grown children are not active in her life, and undesirable jobs are not offered to older women. So, this woman sits inside an employment agency day after day. Desirable jobs are offered to young, desirable women. The older woman’s hands are ragged from years of hard work.

These two women’s writings are a part of the woman I have become today, on my birthday. Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Meridel LeSeuer, the grandmothers of our modern rights and thoughts in our modern world. These two women are bold, intelligent, and let nothing (people or objects) stop their mission to bring and awareness and liberation to their modern world. These women are powerful to me, and I thank them from the bottom of my heart for changing my perspective and drive in womanhood.

On my birthday, I have stopped grieving. The hurt inside has been expressed and nourished with words of love from my husband and snuggling with Luigi on our bed. My husband and I made up last night. God has forgiven me. I do not know what my husband and I will do today, but I do know that one of my literary character, Ottlie (from “Holiday” by Katherine Anne Porter), will be celebrating my birthday with me by my side. Like the narrator, I am able to take this beautiful young lady with me wherever I go in this life. Ottilie deserves to have a loving older sister who keeps her out in fields with endless airplanes circling overhead, a sister teaching her the four goals of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and figuring out a way to solve problems for other people so they may be able to live more comfortable.

Prayer Requests

On a personal note, I ask my readers to keep a former Oklahoma State Wheelchair Basketball player and his family in your prayers. His mother is now an angel in heaven with God. I watched a segment on KFOR-TV last night, reported by La’Tasha Givens where several homeless residents in Oklahoma City have passed away from this bitter cold. Please grant our state the power to come up with a solution that will benefit our homeless population.

I would like to send a thousand birthday wishes to my maternal grandmother who is in heaven. Her birthday is tomorrow, and I hope she has been in close contact with all of the feminist writers who art in heaven. I am sure she would be thanking these women greatly for their divine influence on her youngest granddaughter. 

Here is a link to La'Tasha Givens report from last night:

I am sorry. I tried to search for this story on both KFOR's Facebook page and their website. Tbis is an important cause to me and I hope other people saw this report. The majority of our homeless population suffer from mental illnesses and problems substance abuse. My husband read an article in a newspaper where Governor Fallin came up with the solution of jailing both people with mental illnesses and substance abuse problems. This not a solution to me. Treatment needs to be made available to our brothers and sisters.